As I sit in my cage punching my computer keys I am continually searching for knowledge but doubt I’ll find wisdom! Have you explored Google lately? This fountain of information will tell you that you are related to me. This is serious, just start searching chimpanzees.

I think my readers’ great grandfathers would have a problem with this concept as would my very own pure chimp relations.

I am much happier in my cage with my hirsute brothers and sisters rather than being forced outside to join, say, one of your posh golf clubs or to host one of your TV shows. Who will rid me of this turbulent philosophy?