You know it won’t make a monkey out of  you!

Whirling dervishes! I heard on the radio the other day that the Indian Government is planning to give away TV sets to reduce the birth rate, I wonder what they will dream up to deal with miffed Mullahs? From what I see of TV in my Australian zoo rather than reducing the birth rate or mollifying Mullahs more TV would do exactly the opposite! I observe a non-stop nude parade of people across my small screen in headlong pursuit of Eros and fleshly gratification, regardless of moral considerations of any belief systems.

I remember some of my Indian relations telling me what life was like in India when the British ran the place. All very pukka I believe. Why can’t they turn the clock back and play more cricket? What’s wrong with a few more chukkas of polo? Exercise of self control? Drink a few more cups of tea with bromide in them? (That’s what the British Army were said to do to keep the troops calm and behaving with British decorum and stiff upper lip).

Perhaps the Indian programmers need to give thought to the content of what is shown on Indian evening TV, perhaps they need an Indian gardening guru, theme tune “Give me a turban in the tea trees…” to get them digging till they drop. Maybe the best idea would be to sell them the rights to show the Australian Parliamentary proceedings non stop with an in depth pontification on foreign policy by Christopher Pyne, now that would put them all to sleep!

My monkey mind suspects however that some TV manufacturer has been caught with excess stock. They probably sent a master salesman to this ancient land and persuaded some government buyer that buying a few million boob tubes would hypnotise the people into total apathy. Come to think of it he is probably on the right track, it works pretty well here doesn’t it? I mean who in this country really knows what’s going on? I know it’s serious when I keep getting those imported bananas while our own banana growers shut their farms, and nobody raises a whimper because they are all watching Big Brother on TV, and how boring and inane is that to a thinking mind?

If your TV manufacturers and programmers started by reading His instruction manual for them, then they would automatically make their amazing inventions and imaginations achieve helpful results. What you really need to do is open more zoos where monkeys like me can bring you all to understand that evolution is a fraud! In the meantime you’d do better dropping unwanted TV’s on Afghanistan and block off the Khyber Pass.

Gibber gibber